I didn’t abandon you.

So my cat has a Urinary Tract Infection.

She’s been pissing everywhere else BESIDES the litter box, as the other cats won’t let her go inside the litter box. It’s quite sad. She is one of the sweetest, cuddliest kitties you will ever meet. She is a calico with silky, soft fur.

We had to take her to the vet for her to get checked out because of her behavior. She howled, hissed, and threw herself against the cage she was held in practically the entire way to the clinic. She was terrified at the clinic, and we had to leave her there the whole day; they needed a urine sample, but she wouldn’t go. She was so scared we would leave her there for good.

She was getting attacked by the other cats and we were getting mad at her for peeing right in front of us. It isn’t hard to understand why she would believe we were done with her.

I can’t imagine the relief when my mum held her in her arms at the clinic, coddling her, getting in that same car that brought her there, and entering the house she lives in. She got extra cuddles that night.

The thing I said to her in bed, when she curled up on my chest to go to sleep, was “Don’t worry. We didn’t abandon you.”

Then, I understood something within myself.

The reason I write this post is because we need to realize even when we terribly screw up, when we have complete mental breakdowns (such as the one I have been having this week), when we cry in our spouse or mother’s arms and don’t want to leave (screaming for some reason that is completely meaningless, and we refuse to listen to reason) we are not abandoned. We are loved. There are people in our lives who seriously care about us! We are loved by our smiles, by the person, the soul within us.

No matter how we see ourselves.

When all hope feels lost, just know that God never has and never will abandon you.

We need to meet Him halfway sometimes.

Underneath all of the screams from the Enemy, God is whispering to us, “Don’t worry, I won’t abandon you. Even when you screw up. Even when you refuse to listen to me, my never failing wisdom. Even when you water the seed of doubt the Enemy has placed. I am here. My love will never, ever fail.”

Can you hear it?


Hello blogging universe.

Bowl O Self EsteemMy psychiatrist told me I should start a blog, due to my ‘eloquence and phenomenal gift to word the lessons you have learned, to inspire, and to empathize’.

That’s what I decided I am going to do.

It’s hard for me to know where to begin. I feel as if I’m expected to be perfect on the spot with my blog, but that’s the thing: I’m learning to find beauty in my imperfection. I’m learning to find worth in my flaws. And I aim to provide hope for the hopeless who run across my ramblings.

I guess I should share a few things about me.

Recently God has shown me through many people in my life how to put my trust in Him. I am learning to let go of my pride, to let go of the fear of having to be in control. For me to listen to that still small voice of Him whispering to me, through the shouts and screams and yells of Satan. To discern the truth from the lies.

So I encourage anyone who reads this to understand that the spiritual realm is in the midst of the physical. It is present, it is here, and we are in it. The spiritual realm has a battle going on inside of it, the battle between Christ and the Enemy. The Enemy will do anything he can to deceive us, to ‘steal, kill, and destroy,’ as I am sure many of you have heard quoted before.

The Enemy screams. He shouts. He yells anything he can at us, anything that will separate us from the Lord, to stop us in our tracks. He wants us to believe that we are failures, he wants us to mistake the false for the truth. He puts it there, and we get this illusion in our minds that there is a dead-end. That dead-end, that one way to hell, depression, and worthlessness, is a fake; it is there to stop us from fulfilling His (God’s) plan for us.

The ONLY way I get out of those beliefs, the feelings of being ugly, undesirable, fat, annoying, without value, not being beautiful, or precious, (which are all Not of God. It is important to understand this. EVERYTHING, EVERY THOUGHT, IS EITHER OF GOD OR OF SATAN! Do you think God would tell you your legs are fat, or that you are irritating, or worthless?) is to seek the Lord. To give up your grip on control, your grips of pride, to give up the hurt people have caused you, to understand that every trial is a blessing within a curse, a lesson He has allowed that is necessary for growth. To give it ALL to the Lord, is the only way to set us free.

It’s not easy, and it does not mean that I won’t slip. That is human nature, the result of the Fall. But I know that I am tired of these chains. I want to be free.

Food is my passion, but I have yet to create a something actually original, my own. I love keeping updated on my favorite food blogs, a few are: Ashley from Edible Perspective, Angela of Oh She Glows, Andrea of Dishing Up The Dirt, Emily from Holistic Squid, and Lauren from Food Renegade.

I suffer from cystic acne, but usually have clear skin due to many holistic supplements, knowledge of health, and a gluten and dairy free diet with practically 95% no processed foods. I also suffer from bad body-image, but don’t we all?

I, as so MUCH of the population out there, have had insecurity issues. *GASP* SO surprising.

I am a big fan of Cambria Joy’s YouTube channel, (Cambria Joy and breelovesvlogs) she is inspirational to me and I can relate to her a lot. She has such a beautiful soul, and she speaks with knowledge that is so down to earth, I am certain God has gifted her. She is an influence in me starting this blog as well, she has helped me to realize that I am not alone, and that there is hope. Hope being Elohim, the Creator, the Lord, God.

I pretty much love the internet, but I do want to focus on friends, fitness (for health), and most importantly, my relationship with the Lord. School can be thrown in there somewhere, but eh, I’m already three years ahead, no need to rush that. *cough*over-achiever*cough* 😉